話題どろぼうしがちな人に有益な本かと思います。
僕は必ずしも聞き手に徹することが、良い聞き手になるとは思っていないのですが、それでもやはり人の話を奪ってまで話しちゃぁいけないな、と思いました。気を付けたいと思います。
意外とバッサリ書いていて、気持ちいいなと思ったのは、
「自分をわかってほしい」はただの傲慢。自分の欲求をコントロールできてないだけ。
という言葉。
作者もこれに関する苦い思い出があって、色々と学びがあり、この本につながったのだと思いました。事実、体験談が多く記載されており、共感はできないながらも、いろんな場面から自分のやり方をブラッシュアップされた方なんだと思いました。
また、ほかに面白いと思ったのは、「好かれる人」より「すこし緊張される人」へ。というところ。
どんな人が「少し緊張される人」か。
①心強い人
②ミスした人にチャンスを与える人
③トラブルに動じない人
④転職しますではなく転職しました、という人
⑤次のステップは、といえる人
⑥一対一で話せる人
⑦まだまだ学ぶことばかり、という人
だそうです。言わんとすることは分かる気がします。
また、面白いのは、「好き、嫌いを発言しない」ということ。
好きを発言するということは、それ以外は普通に分類する意思表示。
好き嫌い、あってもいいと思うんですよね。ただ、他を排除するようなことはなく、どれも好きになれるようなこころの状態を作っておくためには、好き嫌いを「宣言しない」というのも悪くない方法だと思いました。
If you often talk the topic as others are talking it, your are a subject thief. In order to try not to be that, here's tip you will find useful.
I don't think listening is alway a good way to communcate with people, but it is not necessary to talk when others are talking. I also need to be careful of it.
She says ''It is arrogant of you to want to get understood by people. 'She adds by saying 'It is a result of the fact that you can't control yourself' I suppose she said this perhaps because she experienced such a situation and got a learning from the experience. And the process gives me a sense that she polish herself by reflecting herself.
Also, she said you should be `a person giving a little nervous`, not 'a person giving just kindness'. This kind of person would be
1. a person who can be relied on
2. a peson who gives a second chance to a person who failed to do something
3. a person who is not losing him/herself when trouble
4. a person who says 'I changed a job.' not 'I will change a job'
5. a person who says 'the next step would be ~'
6. a person who you want to talk with in person
7. a person who is eager to learn
And what she enphasized was 'don't say you like it or dislike it'
She say it is because saying you like it means that others are normal (out of your interest)
Here's what I think.
People often say 'I didn't mean to say that when I was saying.' But, it doesn't make a sense, because ragardless of what your intention was, when your words come out of your mouth, they are not yours any longer. They belong to people hearing them. So we should be careful of how they are interpreted by people, not what you wanted to say. But at the same time, we don't have to get scared too much, you can get a feed back by their reaction. Even if you fail to deliver what you want to say, you can have a second chance. Rather, we should be with people who give us a second chance. It is trust.
Therefore, if you look from the viewpoint of a listener, you better listen to people and try to thier intentions behind the words, and even if they fail to do, you better think you might fail to catch their intention and try to capture again. And if you stand at talking side, you should try to describe what you think as exactly as you can. If it is failed, you don't get depressed. People trust you, so you can try again without being scared too much.
